1. If you hate the look of Aero, click Start/Control Panel/Themes and you can choose a non-Aero theme, such as Windows Classic.
2. Windows Vista's installer can detect serial-ATA (SATA) drives without the need to provide a driver diskette. Don't bother creating a diskette for your SATA drives before you install Vista.
3. If, for some reason, the Vista installation gets interrupted due to an unintentional shutdown or reboot, start the computer without booting the Vista DVD. Windows Vista's installer should pick up where it left off. If it does-n't, then restart the installation over from scratch.
4. When you perform a search with Vista's new, instant search feature, you can save the search in a special folder. This powerful feature allows you to create a virtual folder which, by default, is saved in your \\Searches\ folder. Every time you open such a folder, the search results are updated.
5. In Windows Vista, you can add additional clocks to the system tray. Click the clock, and then click Date and Time Settings. Click the Additional Clocks tab. You can add one or two additional clocks to the tray and select their time zones.
6. You can save your progress in most of the games included with Windows Vista—even the carry-overs from earlier versions of Windows.
7. You can create XML documents, which are more secure than regular text files or even word processor docs. Just create a document in a word processor, print it via the options menu, and select the XPS printer.
8. If you upgrade your graphics card in preparation for Windows Vista, be sure to get a new card with as much local memory as possible. Since Windows Vista renders everything—even the desktop and windows them-selves—as 3D surfaces, local 3D memory greatly improves performance...sometimes even more than a more powerful GPU.
9. Windows Vista games deposit their saves into a special directory, called Saved Games, in your personal folder. In theory, that will make upgrading to a new system much easier for gamers, who like to migrate their game saves.
10. When using the Help system, it's usually advantageous to include Microsoft's online database in your search. The online/offline status of your search is located on the bottom right of the Help window. You can click it to toggle.
11. The Games folder is a powerful repository of all things gaming. From within, you launch games, update games with the latest patches, enable parental controls to protect younger users from harmful content, and more. Invoke it by clicking Start/Games.
12. Several applications are available to help you tweak Windows Vista for maximum performance. They in-clude TweakVI (www.totalidea.com), TweakVista (www.tweakvista.com/tweakvistautility), and VistaBootPRO (www.vistabootpro.org). And don't forget about Windows ReadyBoost, which lets you use a removable flash memory drive to boost system memory.
13. Do you use the icon in the upper left corner of system and application windows? A quick double-click closes the window (instead of a single click on the X at the upper right). Though Microsoft left the icon out in Vista, the function remains.—Sarah Pike
14. In Microsoft Windows Explorer, you can use column headers (Name, Size, and so on) to sort files. Savvy users may right-click on a column head to remove items or add some—say, Dimensions for images. There are around 45 such columns available in Windows XP. Windows Vista has well over 250, covering a multitude of metadata.—Sarah Pike
15. If you've become used to surfing your Program Menu to get to applications, you'll be in for a shock when you first use Microsoft Windows Vista. The new Program Menu shows you only recently used applications and requires extra clicks to navigate to submenus. This can be very frustrating but, thankfully, the Search box Microsoft has added to the Start menu is a great replacement—as long as you're an accurate typist. As quickly as you can type, it returns intelligent results in apps, files, even e-mail messages.
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Thursday, 31 May 2007
एसएमएस 8
Q : What was yesterday's Washington Post Headline?
A : Bush Beats Clinton
Q : Why was Monica Lewinsky transferred from the White House to the Pentagon?
A : She was traded for two brunettes and a redhead to be named later.
"One thing's for sure about Clinton...
He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"
Q : Why does Clinton wish he was like Ted Kennedy?
A : Cause Kennedy has an ex-wife and a dead girlfriend
Q : How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
A : He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride
Q : What did Clinton say to Gore about the whole affair?
A : Pardon me
News item: Mike McCurry, the President s Press Secretary, has just resigned. He could no longer keep a straight face
A : Bush Beats Clinton
Q : Why was Monica Lewinsky transferred from the White House to the Pentagon?
A : She was traded for two brunettes and a redhead to be named later.
"One thing's for sure about Clinton...
He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"
Q : Why does Clinton wish he was like Ted Kennedy?
A : Cause Kennedy has an ex-wife and a dead girlfriend
Q : How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
A : He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride
Q : What did Clinton say to Gore about the whole affair?
A : Pardon me
News item: Mike McCurry, the President s Press Secretary, has just resigned. He could no longer keep a straight face
एसएमएस 7
Q : Why are blonde jokes so short?
A : So men can remember them.
Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A : Because they can understand them
Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A : Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A : They're both empty from the neck up.
Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A : From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"
Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A : So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills
Q : What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A : Far-from-thinking
Q : Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A : They keep breaking them with the hammers.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped on the cordless phone
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo
If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved
Q : What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A : She slipped off and fell down the drain
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said "concentrate"
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring
Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!
What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business? No mind. No business
Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed
Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home
Why did the blonde dye her hair red? Instant Intelligence!
Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier..........
Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.
Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs?
A: Cos they've no idea of the route.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes Twinkle?
A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.
Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?
A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.
Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O.
Q: How do you measure their intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.
It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle.
She tried putting batteries in it.
To amuse a Blonde for hours, give her a sheet of paper with 'Please turn over' scribbled on both sides.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proof-reading.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: Why do blondes love lightning?
A: They reckon somebody is taking their photo.
It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.
Q: What's brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who's been tellin one too many blonde jokes.
NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn't find the recipe.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2. 1 to hold the Diet Irn-Bru and the other to call on 'Daddddyyy'
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard on the news that over 90% of accidents occur at the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of Sixty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why did the blonde call the job centre?
A: She wanted to find out how to cook food stamps.
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces.
A: "Oh, only Six I think - I'd never manage to eat all 12 pieces."
Q: What do you call a Smart blonde?
A: A Golden Retriever.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-Air.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Cos sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: Both are completely empty from the neck up.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: How do you drive a blonde Insane?
A: Hide her Hair Dryer.
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: alone.
Q: How do you know a blonde has robbed your house?
A: You notice the microwave is gone, but a note is there in it's place saying: "Thanks for the TV"
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says "lather, rinse, repeat".
Q: What do you call a blonde on a University Campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "Cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
Q: What is the best secretary in the world to have?
A: The one that never misses a period.
Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A: "Thanks, guys!".
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and The Titanic?
A: They know how many men went down on The Titanic.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: There's fewer crabs in the Atlantic.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Duke only 'had' Ten Thousand men.
Q: How does a horny guy spell relief?
A: B-L-O-N-D-E.
Q: Why was the Blonde Girl smiling as she walked down the marriage eisle?
A: Cos she knew she'd given her last Blow job.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: What do a Boeing 747 and a blonde have in common?
A: Both contain a cockpit
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Great Tits!!!"
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a blow-up Doll?
A: Around 2 cans of hair spray.
Q: Why is a blonde like a stamp?
A: Both get licked, then stuck, and finally sent on their way.
Q: Why is a blonde like railway tracks?
A: Cos she's been laid all over the country.
Q: What does a blonde say after having multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been playing with your Computer?
A: Your joy stick will be soaking wet.
Q: Why do saunas remind some people of blondes?
A: Cos both are steamy and wet on entry, and hey, they don't mind if you bring friends.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She scorched her lips on the exhaust pipe.
Q: What's the difference between a Mosquito and a blonde?
A: On slapping a Mosquito, it will stop sucking.
Q: Why is a blonde like a shotgun?
A: Give her a cock and she'll be ready to blow.
Q: How would a blond interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: What does a blonde look like after sex?
A: No idea mate. I'm already long gone....
Q: What's a blondes favorite Nursery Rhyme?
A: HumpMe DumpMe.
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Cuz everyone gets a turn.
Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
A: She loved to get filled with Cream.
Q: In a Blonde's mind what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a Coppers Horse?
A: So she won't shit on the street during a rally.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde lesbian?
A: Well, she kept having affairs with men.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and most men?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: When visiting Scotland, what is a Blonde's favorite destination?
A: Silicon Glen
Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: What would a blonde use for protection during sex?
A: A bus shelter.
Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
45. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
Q: Why does a blond have T.G.I.F. on the front of her shirt?
A: Tits Go In Front.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: What's the blonde's idea of dental floss?
A: Pubic hair.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of seamen.
Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A: Their Mommies told em never to speak to strangers.
Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week!
Q: What do a 250cc Scooter and a blonde have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one
Q: What's the difference between a blonde on her back and a turtle on it's back?
A: Absolutely Nothing - both are totally screwed!
Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q: How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
A: Come.
Q: What do you call a brunette and 4 sexy blondes on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if you've got 4 condoms
Q: What do a blonde and an instant win lottery ticket have in common?
A: Simply scratch the box to win.
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
It's important to realise that Blondes can't go water-skiing - when their crotch gets wet they think they gotta lay down...
. It's even more important to realise the big difference between blondes and bitches - a blonde will screw anyone, whilst a bitch will screw anyone but you...
It's worth remembering why blondes can't count to 70 - it's cos 69 is already a bit of a mouthful...
Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PHd in Psychology?
A: She'll blow your mind, too.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limo?
A: Well, not everybody's went to town in a limo!
Q: Have you heard about the blonde virgin?
A: She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had 2 chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times.
Q: What did the blondes left leg say to her right?
A: As if they've ever met!
Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
Q: What do blonde's do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
Q: What do blonde's do with their Assholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
Q: What's the link between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: Both get screwed on the front of a Ford Fiesta.
Q: What nickname is most used by blonde's in order to boost their popularity?
A: B.J.
Q: What is blonde, brunette, blond, brunette ...?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels.
Q: How do you know when a blonde's been in your refridgerator?
A: There's lipstick on your cucumbers/courgette/zuchini.
Q: What's a 68 to a blonde?
A: It's where she goes down on you and you owe her one.
Q: What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
A: Clitty litter.
Q: Why is it that Blonde's always get confused in the Ladies rest room?
A: Well, it's cost they gotta pull their own pants down...
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Because their balls would show.
Q: What do you call a blonde with an I.Q of 100?
A: A foursome.
84. Q: What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
A: Vaseline and Poligrip.
85. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: There's a fold-up bed in the Stock room and permanent smiles on the Bosses' faces.
Q: What is a bellybutton for?
A: It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
A: Sweet fuck all.
Q: Why did the blonde give a b*** job after sex?
A: She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
Q: Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swelling down.
Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
A: Her employer found that she was embezzling.
92. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: What is the smartest thing that can come out of a blonde's mouth?
A: Einstein's d**k.
Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A blow job with handlebars.
Q: What did the blonde say during a xxx flick?
A: "Hey fellas, Look! There I am!"
Q: How does a blond prepare for safe sex?
A: She puts on rubber based lipstick.98. Q: What does XXX stand for?
A: Blondes co-signing a note.
99. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Finland, turn around and come back home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a tv set.
Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three of your fingers inside a bowling ball.
Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size?
A: Silicone chips.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to EuroDisney?
A: She saw a sign saying: "EuroDisney Left" so she went home.
Did you hear about the blonde who put under Education on her job application, 'Hooked On Phonics'...
Q: What did the blonde girl name her pet Zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the pedestrian sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: What does a blonde Owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you see when you look directly into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What did the Dumb Blonde do when she went to a film that had an NC-17 (no under 17's) rating? A: Went home and got 16 friends.
Q: What do you call a blond behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde writes Mysteries?
A: She's got a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell a FAX has been sent from a blonde?
A: There's a stamp on it.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: Threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: Keep breakin em' with hammers.
Q: What's the difference between blondes and McDonald's?
A: A blonde serves more people in a night.
Q: What happens when a blonde developes Alzheimers?
A: Her IQ goes up.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What's the guaranteed method to totally confuse a Blonde Man?
A: Ask him to alphabetise a King-size bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What's the difference between a dumb blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: Manages to get the Pop Tarts out the toaster in one piece.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: How many stupid blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two - one to stand inside the bath, the other to pass the hair dryer.
Q: What's the diff between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: What's a dumb Blondes favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?
A: No need for em to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on top of her.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: What does a postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I?
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say "Hello"
Q: Why are blonde's immune to Mad Cow Disease?
A: It only affects the brain.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
A: Blow in her ear - if natural, watch as she floats...
Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
A: Double-dumb.
Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries?
A: Under "Home Improvements."
Q: Why did the blonde go to the rehab center?
A: Because she thought she was hooked on phonics.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: 30 mins of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's quite difficult opening the legs of an Ironing Board.
Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What would you do if a Blond threw a hand grenade right at you?
A: You'd pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Mercedes?
A: You don't lend the Merc out to your friend.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Sooner or later they'll both end up in the gutter.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: She didn't want to waken the sleeping pills.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) Well...Like, I dunno!
Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and the Yeti?
A: Yeti has been spotted.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
Because she blows the horn!
Why is a blonde like a door knob?
Because everybody gets a turn.
Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country.
Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men!
What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
She picks up her purse and goes home.
To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade 4.
What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
Because at 69 they blow a rod...
What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
They both drip when they're fucked.
How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.
Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.
Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
Because they can understand them
How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills
Did you hear about the blonde
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
Did you hear about the blonde
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
Did you hear about the blonde
She tripped on the cordless phone
Did you hear about the blonde
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind
Did you hear about the blonde
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
Did you hear about the blonde
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo
Did you hear about the blonde
If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless
Did you hear about the blonde
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved
Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!
What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business?
No mind. No business
Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed
Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home
Why did the blonde dye her hair red?
Instant Intelligence!
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it
Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why does it work?
"Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A blond doing cartwheels.
What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
She missed the Earth!
Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
She blew it both times!
What do a moped and a blond have in common?
They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
How do you know when a blond's been in your fridge?
Lipstick on the cucumbers!
What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
About 2 cans of hair spray
What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
Pick them up off the floor.
Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.
What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.
What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
Frosted Flakes.
What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
The Branch Manager.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proof-reading.
How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Why do blondes love lightning?
They reckon somebody is taking their photo.
It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.
What's brown, red, black and blue?
A Brunette who's been telling one too many blonde jokes.
NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.
Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
She couldn't find the recipe.
She was so blonde that...
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She managed to trip over my cordless phone.
On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Here' she wrote 'Aquarias'.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She told me to meet her on the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
She tried to place a bag of M&M's in alphabetical order.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept.
When she got an AM radio, it took her 10 month to figure out she could use it at night.
She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said - "concentrate"
She got stabbed in a Shoot out.
She used to sit on the tv so she could watch the couch.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
She thinks Eartha Kitt is a set of gardening tools.
When she saw the sign for YMCA she said: "LOOK, they've spelled MACY's wrong!!!"
She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
She put lippie on her forehead cos her boyfriend told her to make up her mind.
She tried to drown a fish.
If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
She took a Spoon to the Super Bowl.
It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
She asked for a Price-check at the 'Everythings a Pound' store.
They had to burn her school down to get her outta 4th grade.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
When I was drowning in a lake and screaming out for a life saver she asked: "Grape or Cherry?"
She thought Meow Mix was a record for Cats.
She thought that Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.
She tried to drown a fish.
A : So men can remember them.
Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A : Because they can understand them
Q : How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A : Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A : They're both empty from the neck up.
Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A : From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"
Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A : So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills
Q : What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A : Far-from-thinking
Q : Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A : They keep breaking them with the hammers.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped on the cordless phone
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo
If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved
Q : What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A : She slipped off and fell down the drain
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice? Because it said "concentrate"
What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring
Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!
What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business? No mind. No business
Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed
Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home
Why did the blonde dye her hair red? Instant Intelligence!
Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier..........
Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.
Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs?
A: Cos they've no idea of the route.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes Twinkle?
A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.
Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?
A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.
Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O.
Q: How do you measure their intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in their ear.
It's with great tragedy that I report my blonde next door neighbour tried to kill her toy poodle.
She tried putting batteries in it.
To amuse a Blonde for hours, give her a sheet of paper with 'Please turn over' scribbled on both sides.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
A: The Branch Manager.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proof-reading.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: Why do blondes love lightning?
A: They reckon somebody is taking their photo.
It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.
Q: What's brown, red, black and blue?
A: A Brunette who's been tellin one too many blonde jokes.
NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
A: She couldn't find the recipe.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2. 1 to hold the Diet Irn-Bru and the other to call on 'Daddddyyy'
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard on the news that over 90% of accidents occur at the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of Sixty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why did the blonde call the job centre?
A: She wanted to find out how to cook food stamps.
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces.
A: "Oh, only Six I think - I'd never manage to eat all 12 pieces."
Q: What do you call a Smart blonde?
A: A Golden Retriever.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-Air.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Cos sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: Both are completely empty from the neck up.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: How do you drive a blonde Insane?
A: Hide her Hair Dryer.
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: alone.
Q: How do you know a blonde has robbed your house?
A: You notice the microwave is gone, but a note is there in it's place saying: "Thanks for the TV"
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says "lather, rinse, repeat".
Q: What do you call a blonde on a University Campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "Cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
Q: What is the best secretary in the world to have?
A: The one that never misses a period.
Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A: "Thanks, guys!".
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and The Titanic?
A: They know how many men went down on The Titanic.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: There's fewer crabs in the Atlantic.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Duke only 'had' Ten Thousand men.
Q: How does a horny guy spell relief?
A: B-L-O-N-D-E.
Q: Why was the Blonde Girl smiling as she walked down the marriage eisle?
A: Cos she knew she'd given her last Blow job.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: What do a Boeing 747 and a blonde have in common?
A: Both contain a cockpit
Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Great Tits!!!"
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a blow-up Doll?
A: Around 2 cans of hair spray.
Q: Why is a blonde like a stamp?
A: Both get licked, then stuck, and finally sent on their way.
Q: Why is a blonde like railway tracks?
A: Cos she's been laid all over the country.
Q: What does a blonde say after having multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been playing with your Computer?
A: Your joy stick will be soaking wet.
Q: Why do saunas remind some people of blondes?
A: Cos both are steamy and wet on entry, and hey, they don't mind if you bring friends.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She scorched her lips on the exhaust pipe.
Q: What's the difference between a Mosquito and a blonde?
A: On slapping a Mosquito, it will stop sucking.
Q: Why is a blonde like a shotgun?
A: Give her a cock and she'll be ready to blow.
Q: How would a blond interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: What does a blonde look like after sex?
A: No idea mate. I'm already long gone....
Q: What's a blondes favorite Nursery Rhyme?
A: HumpMe DumpMe.
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Cuz everyone gets a turn.
Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
A: She loved to get filled with Cream.
Q: In a Blonde's mind what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a Coppers Horse?
A: So she won't shit on the street during a rally.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts.
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde lesbian?
A: Well, she kept having affairs with men.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and most men?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: When visiting Scotland, what is a Blonde's favorite destination?
A: Silicon Glen
Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: What would a blonde use for protection during sex?
A: A bus shelter.
Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
45. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
Q: Why does a blond have T.G.I.F. on the front of her shirt?
A: Tits Go In Front.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: What's the blonde's idea of dental floss?
A: Pubic hair.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of seamen.
Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A: Their Mommies told em never to speak to strangers.
Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week!
Q: What do a 250cc Scooter and a blonde have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one
Q: What's the difference between a blonde on her back and a turtle on it's back?
A: Absolutely Nothing - both are totally screwed!
Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q: How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
A: Come.
Q: What do you call a brunette and 4 sexy blondes on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if you've got 4 condoms
Q: What do a blonde and an instant win lottery ticket have in common?
A: Simply scratch the box to win.
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
It's important to realise that Blondes can't go water-skiing - when their crotch gets wet they think they gotta lay down...
. It's even more important to realise the big difference between blondes and bitches - a blonde will screw anyone, whilst a bitch will screw anyone but you...
It's worth remembering why blondes can't count to 70 - it's cos 69 is already a bit of a mouthful...
Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PHd in Psychology?
A: She'll blow your mind, too.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limo?
A: Well, not everybody's went to town in a limo!
Q: Have you heard about the blonde virgin?
A: She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had 2 chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times.
Q: What did the blondes left leg say to her right?
A: As if they've ever met!
Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
Q: What do blonde's do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
Q: What do blonde's do with their Assholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
Q: What's the link between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: Both get screwed on the front of a Ford Fiesta.
Q: What nickname is most used by blonde's in order to boost their popularity?
A: B.J.
Q: What is blonde, brunette, blond, brunette ...?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels.
Q: How do you know when a blonde's been in your refridgerator?
A: There's lipstick on your cucumbers/courgette/zuchini.
Q: What's a 68 to a blonde?
A: It's where she goes down on you and you owe her one.
Q: What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
A: Clitty litter.
Q: Why is it that Blonde's always get confused in the Ladies rest room?
A: Well, it's cost they gotta pull their own pants down...
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Because their balls would show.
Q: What do you call a blonde with an I.Q of 100?
A: A foursome.
84. Q: What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
A: Vaseline and Poligrip.
85. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: There's a fold-up bed in the Stock room and permanent smiles on the Bosses' faces.
Q: What is a bellybutton for?
A: It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a bag of sugar on her head?
A: Sweet fuck all.
Q: Why did the blonde give a b*** job after sex?
A: She wanted to have her cock and eat it too.
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
Q: Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swelling down.
Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
A: Her employer found that she was embezzling.
92. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: What is the smartest thing that can come out of a blonde's mouth?
A: Einstein's d**k.
Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A blow job with handlebars.
Q: What did the blonde say during a xxx flick?
A: "Hey fellas, Look! There I am!"
Q: How does a blond prepare for safe sex?
A: She puts on rubber based lipstick.98. Q: What does XXX stand for?
A: Blondes co-signing a note.
99. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Finland, turn around and come back home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a tv set.
Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three of your fingers inside a bowling ball.
Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size?
A: Silicone chips.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to EuroDisney?
A: She saw a sign saying: "EuroDisney Left" so she went home.
Did you hear about the blonde who put under Education on her job application, 'Hooked On Phonics'...
Q: What did the blonde girl name her pet Zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the pedestrian sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: What does a blonde Owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you see when you look directly into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What did the Dumb Blonde do when she went to a film that had an NC-17 (no under 17's) rating? A: Went home and got 16 friends.
Q: What do you call a blond behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde writes Mysteries?
A: She's got a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell a FAX has been sent from a blonde?
A: There's a stamp on it.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: Threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: Keep breakin em' with hammers.
Q: What's the difference between blondes and McDonald's?
A: A blonde serves more people in a night.
Q: What happens when a blonde developes Alzheimers?
A: Her IQ goes up.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What's the guaranteed method to totally confuse a Blonde Man?
A: Ask him to alphabetise a King-size bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What's the difference between a dumb blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: Manages to get the Pop Tarts out the toaster in one piece.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: How many stupid blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two - one to stand inside the bath, the other to pass the hair dryer.
Q: What's the diff between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: What's a dumb Blondes favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?
A: No need for em to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on top of her.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: What does a postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I?
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say "Hello"
Q: Why are blonde's immune to Mad Cow Disease?
A: It only affects the brain.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
A: Blow in her ear - if natural, watch as she floats...
Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
A: Double-dumb.
Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries?
A: Under "Home Improvements."
Q: Why did the blonde go to the rehab center?
A: Because she thought she was hooked on phonics.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: 30 mins of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's quite difficult opening the legs of an Ironing Board.
Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What would you do if a Blond threw a hand grenade right at you?
A: You'd pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Mercedes?
A: You don't lend the Merc out to your friend.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Sooner or later they'll both end up in the gutter.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: She didn't want to waken the sleeping pills.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) Well...Like, I dunno!
Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and the Yeti?
A: Yeti has been spotted.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
Because she blows the horn!
Why is a blonde like a door knob?
Because everybody gets a turn.
Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country.
Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men!
What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
She picks up her purse and goes home.
To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade 4.
What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
Because at 69 they blow a rod...
What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
They both drip when they're fucked.
How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.
Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.
Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
Because they can understand them
How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills
Did you hear about the blonde
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
Did you hear about the blonde
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
Did you hear about the blonde
She tripped on the cordless phone
Did you hear about the blonde
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind
Did you hear about the blonde
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
Did you hear about the blonde
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo
Did you hear about the blonde
If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless
Did you hear about the blonde
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved
Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!
What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business?
No mind. No business
Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed
Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home
Why did the blonde dye her hair red?
Instant Intelligence!
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it
Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why does it work?
"Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A blond doing cartwheels.
What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
She missed the Earth!
Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
She blew it both times!
What do a moped and a blond have in common?
They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
How do you know when a blond's been in your fridge?
Lipstick on the cucumbers!
What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
About 2 cans of hair spray
What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
Pick them up off the floor.
Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.
What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.
What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
Frosted Flakes.
What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
The Branch Manager.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proof-reading.
How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Why do blondes love lightning?
They reckon somebody is taking their photo.
It's with tremendous sadness that I report a local blond girl has lost 95% of her brains....yes, her husband just died.
What's brown, red, black and blue?
A Brunette who's been telling one too many blonde jokes.
NEWSFLASH: Blonde girl fired from Banana plantation for throwing out all the bent ones.
Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?
She couldn't find the recipe.
She was so blonde that...
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She managed to trip over my cordless phone.
On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Here' she wrote 'Aquarias'.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She told me to meet her on the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
She tried to place a bag of M&M's in alphabetical order.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept.
When she got an AM radio, it took her 10 month to figure out she could use it at night.
She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said - "concentrate"
She got stabbed in a Shoot out.
She used to sit on the tv so she could watch the couch.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
She thinks Eartha Kitt is a set of gardening tools.
When she saw the sign for YMCA she said: "LOOK, they've spelled MACY's wrong!!!"
She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
She put lippie on her forehead cos her boyfriend told her to make up her mind.
She tried to drown a fish.
If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
She took a Spoon to the Super Bowl.
It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
She asked for a Price-check at the 'Everythings a Pound' store.
They had to burn her school down to get her outta 4th grade.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
When I was drowning in a lake and screaming out for a life saver she asked: "Grape or Cherry?"
She thought Meow Mix was a record for Cats.
She thought that Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.
She tried to drown a fish.
SMS 6
people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends।
To find a truly great friend, you have to keep one eye closed - to keep him, two।
True friends are those who are there for you unconditionally। Never do they question, but always offer support no matter what the circumstances are. Best Friends are the people worth living for.
Side by side or miles apart, dear friends are always close to the heart।
A best friend is somebody who knows every last thing about you, yet still manages to like you anyway।
The medicine of life is to have several true faithful friends।
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes।
I do not want a friend who smiles when I smile who weeps when I weep for my shadow in the pool can do better than that.
A true friend cares for you if she says nasty things to your face instead of behind your back।
Real friendship is most notable in those times of trouble। Times of prosperity are full of 'friends'.
True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable।
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept।
No one person can possibly combine all the elements supposed to make up what everyone means by friendship।
Life without friendship is like the sky without sun।
Friendship is a single soul living in two bodies।
Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship -- never।
Two people can't wish to be friends long if they can't manage to forgive each other's minor failings।
Life is nothing without friendship।
Love is friendship set on fire।
Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief।
There is no distance too far between best friends, for friendship gives wings to the heart।
There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child.
To find a truly great friend, you have to keep one eye closed - to keep him, two।
True friends are those who are there for you unconditionally। Never do they question, but always offer support no matter what the circumstances are. Best Friends are the people worth living for.
Side by side or miles apart, dear friends are always close to the heart।
A best friend is somebody who knows every last thing about you, yet still manages to like you anyway।
The medicine of life is to have several true faithful friends।
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes।
I do not want a friend who smiles when I smile who weeps when I weep for my shadow in the pool can do better than that.
A true friend cares for you if she says nasty things to your face instead of behind your back।
Real friendship is most notable in those times of trouble। Times of prosperity are full of 'friends'.
True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable।
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept।
No one person can possibly combine all the elements supposed to make up what everyone means by friendship।
Life without friendship is like the sky without sun।
Friendship is a single soul living in two bodies।
Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship -- never।
Two people can't wish to be friends long if they can't manage to forgive each other's minor failings।
Life is nothing without friendship।
Love is friendship set on fire।
Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief।
There is no distance too far between best friends, for friendship gives wings to the heart।
There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child.
SMS 5
When geese fly in a "V", why is one side longer?
Because there are more geese on that side
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work
What did the turkey say to the chicken?
Gobble gobble
Why do hens lay eggs?
If they dropped them, they'd break
Which side of the chicken has he most feathers?
The outside
Doctor, I can t stop behaving like a dog.
How long have you been acting this way?
Since I was a puppy!
Two snakes meet each other..
First snake:I hope I am not poisonous.
Second snake:Why?
First snake:Because I bit my lip!
Q : What do stylish frogs wear?
A : Jumpsuits!
Q : What did the frog order at McDonald's?
A : French flies and a diet Croak
Q : How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
A : Unhoppy
Q : What goes, 99-thump, 99-thump, 99-thump &
A : A centipede with a wooden leg
Q : What do you get from a pampered cow?
A : Spoiled milk.
What kind of work does a weak cat do?
A : Light mouse work
Q : How do you identify a bald eagle?
A : All his feathers are combed over to one side
How do you circumcise a whale?
A : You need at least four skin divers
Because there are more geese on that side
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work
What did the turkey say to the chicken?
Gobble gobble
Why do hens lay eggs?
If they dropped them, they'd break
Which side of the chicken has he most feathers?
The outside
Doctor, I can t stop behaving like a dog.
How long have you been acting this way?
Since I was a puppy!
Two snakes meet each other..
First snake:I hope I am not poisonous.
Second snake:Why?
First snake:Because I bit my lip!
Q : What do stylish frogs wear?
A : Jumpsuits!
Q : What did the frog order at McDonald's?
A : French flies and a diet Croak
Q : How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
A : Unhoppy
Q : What goes, 99-thump, 99-thump, 99-thump &
A : A centipede with a wooden leg
Q : What do you get from a pampered cow?
A : Spoiled milk.
What kind of work does a weak cat do?
A : Light mouse work
Q : How do you identify a bald eagle?
A : All his feathers are combed over to one side
How do you circumcise a whale?
A : You need at least four skin divers
When geese fly in a "V", why is one side longer?
Because there are more geese on that side
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work
What did the turkey say to the chicken?
Gobble gobble
Why do hens lay eggs?
If they dropped them, they'd break
Which side of the chicken has he most feathers?
The outside
Doctor, I can t stop behaving like a dog.
How long have you been acting this way?
Since I was a puppy!
Two snakes meet each other..
First snake:I hope I am not poisonous.
Second snake:Why?
First snake:Because I bit my lip!
Q : What do stylish frogs wear?
A : Jumpsuits!
Q : What did the frog order at McDonald's?
A : French flies and a diet Croak
Q : How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
A : Unhoppy
Q : What goes, 99-thump, 99-thump, 99-thump &
A : A centipede with a wooden leg
Q : What do you get from a pampered cow?
A : Spoiled milk.
What kind of work does a weak cat do?
A : Light mouse work
Q : How do you identify a bald eagle?
A : All his feathers are combed over to one side
How do you circumcise a whale?
A : You need at least four skin divers
Because there are more geese on that side
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work
What did the turkey say to the chicken?
Gobble gobble
Why do hens lay eggs?
If they dropped them, they'd break
Which side of the chicken has he most feathers?
The outside
Doctor, I can t stop behaving like a dog.
How long have you been acting this way?
Since I was a puppy!
Two snakes meet each other..
First snake:I hope I am not poisonous.
Second snake:Why?
First snake:Because I bit my lip!
Q : What do stylish frogs wear?
A : Jumpsuits!
Q : What did the frog order at McDonald's?
A : French flies and a diet Croak
Q : How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
A : Unhoppy
Q : What goes, 99-thump, 99-thump, 99-thump &
A : A centipede with a wooden leg
Q : What do you get from a pampered cow?
A : Spoiled milk.
What kind of work does a weak cat do?
A : Light mouse work
Q : How do you identify a bald eagle?
A : All his feathers are combed over to one side
How do you circumcise a whale?
A : You need at least four skin divers
SMS3 Messages
Linux is like a wigwam, no windows, no gates and an apache inside …
NOKIA VIRUS Enter PIN code: Enter PIN code: F Enter PIN code: FU Enter PIN code: FUC Enter PIN code: FUCK YOU ! YOU JUST BEEN FUCKED BY ME
Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!
I'd ride u sitting, I'd ride u lying. If u were a bird I'd ride u flying. And when ur dead and long forgotten I'll dig u up and ride u rotten.
DO NOT PRESS ANY KEY This is: -Virus- Phone Locked Phone Locked Phone Locked Phone Locked Phone Locked Hehe! NERVOUS?
Feeling stoned? feeling high? Fuck a duck and try to fly.
Don't drink water.… Fish fuck in it!
5 differences between Turkish en ET: ET looked better, ET learned English, ET came alone, ET had his own bike and wanted to go home!
Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.
I don't love. I don't care. I just married a millionair. And if he dies I don't cry, I just fuck another guy.
Idiot (id-ee-it) n.- One who disagrees with you.
Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself.
Little birdy in the sky, dropped a poepie in my eye. i don't scream, i don't cry. i thank the lord that cow's can't fly!
Roses are red, violets are blue, most poems ryhm, but this one doesn't…
I'm popey the sailorman, I'm member of the klu klux clan, when I pull the triger, I kill a fucking nigger. I'm popey the sailor man, toet toet.
I met a boy in the states i give him my hart he gave me aids.
Mommy, Mommy! Can I wear a bra now? I'm 16.. Shut up, Albert…
How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ................... .................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*
The best anti-virus program for a computer is SAVE-SEX.
Leave the plastic cover on the floppy when inserting in drive.
NOKIA VIRUS Enter PIN code: Enter PIN code: F Enter PIN code: FU Enter PIN code: FUC Enter PIN code: FUCK YOU ! YOU JUST BEEN FUCKED BY ME
Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!
I'd ride u sitting, I'd ride u lying. If u were a bird I'd ride u flying. And when ur dead and long forgotten I'll dig u up and ride u rotten.
DO NOT PRESS ANY KEY This is: -Virus- Phone Locked Phone Locked Phone Locked Phone Locked Phone Locked Hehe! NERVOUS?
Feeling stoned? feeling high? Fuck a duck and try to fly.
Don't drink water.… Fish fuck in it!
5 differences between Turkish en ET: ET looked better, ET learned English, ET came alone, ET had his own bike and wanted to go home!
Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.
I don't love. I don't care. I just married a millionair. And if he dies I don't cry, I just fuck another guy.
Idiot (id-ee-it) n.- One who disagrees with you.
Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself.
Little birdy in the sky, dropped a poepie in my eye. i don't scream, i don't cry. i thank the lord that cow's can't fly!
Roses are red, violets are blue, most poems ryhm, but this one doesn't…
I'm popey the sailorman, I'm member of the klu klux clan, when I pull the triger, I kill a fucking nigger. I'm popey the sailor man, toet toet.
I met a boy in the states i give him my hart he gave me aids.
Mommy, Mommy! Can I wear a bra now? I'm 16.. Shut up, Albert…
How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ................... .................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*
The best anti-virus program for a computer is SAVE-SEX.
Leave the plastic cover on the floppy when inserting in drive.
Thursday, 10 May 2007
SMS Jokes 3
• Aaj ...
Aaj...... Aaj Ek Sweater Aur Pehen Lo...
Aaj Ek Razai Aur Odh Lo... .
Aaj Ek Mufler Aur Lapet Lo...
Aaj Do Moze Aur Pehen Lo...
Aaj Ek Kehwa Aur Pii Lo...
Aaj Ek Heater Aur Chala Lo...
Kya Pata....
Kal Thand Ho Na Ho ! !!
• You = cute
You = hot
You = sweet
You = intelligent
You = amazing
You = perfect
Me = a great liar.
• Main uski yaad mein ban gaya baraf ka gola
Main uski yaad mein ban gaya baraf ka gola
aur vo boli ki Thanda matlab Coca Cola
• This messege can only b read by a CUTe person
Try again ..................
Nothing ? sorry i guess your just not CUTE........................
Hey ! don't force it , u r not CUTE
• Today i was cooking chicken when i added green palak.
Chicken started singing & dancing :
" HUM PE YE KIS NE HARA RANG DALA
MAR DALA MAR DALA "
• A pathan want 2 commit suicide,
When asked : Pathan said,my wife ran wid my Best Friend & i can't live widout my friend
• If ur world is spinning round & round... ur heart is beating fast.......
Do u think its LOVE ?
na munna ,its called...........??
high B.P........!!!!
• 2day, 2mmorow & yesterday there will b 1 heart dat would always beat 4 u…u know Whose???ur Own Stupid!!!
• Passwords r like underwear: change them often
• Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids
• Arz kiya hai.....
Aaj-kal aapke SMS aana band hai
wah wah! wah wah!
Aaj-kal aapke SMS aana band hai
khafa ho humse ya balance kam hai?
ha ha ha ha.....
• tere der pe sanam hazar baar ayengey,
tere der pe sanam hazar baar ayengey,
Ghanti bajayengey aur bhaag jayengey
• Teri aankain jhuki jhuki
tera chehra khila khila
jab tere chehre per haath ghumaya
to aadha kilo fair & lovely mila
• Tere pyaar ki roshni aisi hai ki
har taraf ujaala nazar aata hai
sochta hu ki ghar ki bijli katwa du
kambaqt bill bohat aata hai.....(
• Hi i am marrying next week
there will be a small party and
only few persons will be invited
Hey don't bring any gift
just bring SOMEONE to marry me.....
• Teri yaad mein humne kalam uthaayi
liya paper aur tasveer aapki bnayi
socha tha ki usko dil se laga kar rakhenge
magar vo to bacho ko draane ke kaam aayi...
• If marriages r made in heaven, den wat r made in Hell? Ans : the days after marriage
• Unite against togetherness!
• Can I Have Ur Picture So I Can Show Santa What I Want For XMAS?
• when i call u; 1 ring means I’m thinking of u;2 ring means i like u; 3 means i miss u; 4 means ........pick up phone idiot
• aRz KiYa hAi !!
DiL nAy TuMhaiN yAaD kyAa AuR sOgAya
DiL NaY tUmHAiN yAaD kyAa AuR SoGaYA
hAm NaY tuM kO SmS KiYa AuR bALanCe
KahTam HoGaYA !!.
WAH WAH WAH ! KIYA BAT HAI.
• chelthay rahoo chhelthay rahooo..
jub pohacnh jao to sms ker day na
• kehtain hain ke ISHQ main nind Urjati hai
Kehtian hain ke ISHQ main nind urjati hai
Koi Ham Say Bhee Ishq Karay
Koi Ham Say Bhee Ishq Karay
Kambakhat Nind Bohot Aati hai !
****heehehhe****
• One out of four people is a chinese in this world. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you
• The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna to hide Me?
• im at the police station.The police caught me & filed a case against me "possession of good looks".i'm doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!
Aaj...... Aaj Ek Sweater Aur Pehen Lo...
Aaj Ek Razai Aur Odh Lo... .
Aaj Ek Mufler Aur Lapet Lo...
Aaj Do Moze Aur Pehen Lo...
Aaj Ek Kehwa Aur Pii Lo...
Aaj Ek Heater Aur Chala Lo...
Kya Pata....
Kal Thand Ho Na Ho ! !!
• You = cute
You = hot
You = sweet
You = intelligent
You = amazing
You = perfect
Me = a great liar.
• Main uski yaad mein ban gaya baraf ka gola
Main uski yaad mein ban gaya baraf ka gola
aur vo boli ki Thanda matlab Coca Cola
• This messege can only b read by a CUTe person
Try again ..................
Nothing ? sorry i guess your just not CUTE........................
Hey ! don't force it , u r not CUTE
• Today i was cooking chicken when i added green palak.
Chicken started singing & dancing :
" HUM PE YE KIS NE HARA RANG DALA
MAR DALA MAR DALA "
• A pathan want 2 commit suicide,
When asked : Pathan said,my wife ran wid my Best Friend & i can't live widout my friend
• If ur world is spinning round & round... ur heart is beating fast.......
Do u think its LOVE ?
na munna ,its called...........??
high B.P........!!!!
• 2day, 2mmorow & yesterday there will b 1 heart dat would always beat 4 u…u know Whose???ur Own Stupid!!!
• Passwords r like underwear: change them often
• Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids
• Arz kiya hai.....
Aaj-kal aapke SMS aana band hai
wah wah! wah wah!
Aaj-kal aapke SMS aana band hai
khafa ho humse ya balance kam hai?
ha ha ha ha.....
• tere der pe sanam hazar baar ayengey,
tere der pe sanam hazar baar ayengey,
Ghanti bajayengey aur bhaag jayengey
• Teri aankain jhuki jhuki
tera chehra khila khila
jab tere chehre per haath ghumaya
to aadha kilo fair & lovely mila
• Tere pyaar ki roshni aisi hai ki
har taraf ujaala nazar aata hai
sochta hu ki ghar ki bijli katwa du
kambaqt bill bohat aata hai.....(
• Hi i am marrying next week
there will be a small party and
only few persons will be invited
Hey don't bring any gift
just bring SOMEONE to marry me.....
• Teri yaad mein humne kalam uthaayi
liya paper aur tasveer aapki bnayi
socha tha ki usko dil se laga kar rakhenge
magar vo to bacho ko draane ke kaam aayi...
• If marriages r made in heaven, den wat r made in Hell? Ans : the days after marriage
• Unite against togetherness!
• Can I Have Ur Picture So I Can Show Santa What I Want For XMAS?
• when i call u; 1 ring means I’m thinking of u;2 ring means i like u; 3 means i miss u; 4 means ........pick up phone idiot
• aRz KiYa hAi !!
DiL nAy TuMhaiN yAaD kyAa AuR sOgAya
DiL NaY tUmHAiN yAaD kyAa AuR SoGaYA
hAm NaY tuM kO SmS KiYa AuR bALanCe
KahTam HoGaYA !!.
WAH WAH WAH ! KIYA BAT HAI.
• chelthay rahoo chhelthay rahooo..
jub pohacnh jao to sms ker day na
• kehtain hain ke ISHQ main nind Urjati hai
Kehtian hain ke ISHQ main nind urjati hai
Koi Ham Say Bhee Ishq Karay
Koi Ham Say Bhee Ishq Karay
Kambakhat Nind Bohot Aati hai !
****heehehhe****
• One out of four people is a chinese in this world. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you
• The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna to hide Me?
• im at the police station.The police caught me & filed a case against me "possession of good looks".i'm doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!
SMS Jokes 2
• Masoom se ek larki thy, sms92.com per sms karti thy, ek larkay per vo marty
thy, baten piyary karti thy, per house number deynay se vo darty thy.
• This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will
be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile
will be disabled, unless you are ugly.
• Ek Tusi sharmandey bohat ho ,Ek Tusi itrandey bohat ho,Dil kar da hai tuhano
dinner tay lay jawan per tusi khandey v bohat ho.
• Zindage mein aisa koi lumha na aaya..Har pal na ho too mujhe yaad aya..Dunya men aisi koi exhibition na hoge..Jis men kunjoose ka award aap ne na ho paya!!
• Teri Maa Di
Tere Peo Di
Teri Behan Di
Tere Bra Di
Teri Babi Di
Tere Pure Khandan Di
Te Meri v Tu Jan Hai
• Lamha Lamha Waqt Guzar Jayega,
Chand Lamhon Men Exzm Sar Pe Ajayega,
Abhi Bhi Waqt Hai Do Line Padh Lo,
Warna Paas Kia Munna Bhai Karwae Ga!!!!
• I have started luving 'U'... I know it sounds rediculous but I can't control my feelings 4 'U'. Some time later I'll start luving more ALPHABETS...!
• kia dekh rahay hoo...apna kaam karoo
• Reh Reh Kar Mujh Ko Ek Hi Khayal Ata Hay
Woh Kambukht Na Janay Kon Say Sabun Say Nahata Hay
• Remember me every day, every moment warna......
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,
8,9,10,11,12,13,
14,15,16,17,18,19,
20,21,22,23,24,25,26,
27,28,29,30,31,32
ek ek kar ke saare DANT TORD DIYE JAEIN GAY.....
heheheheh
• life without u is impossible.. u r n my breath n blood.. i can't spend a sec without u.. 4 u left me i'll die.. 0oye hell0oo i m talking abt oxygen ;) hahahaha.......
• REPEAT THESE LINES ATLEAST 2 HOURS EVERYDAY AFTER NAMAZ OUTSIDE THE MOSQUE & U WILL B A MILLIONAIRE WITHIN FEW MONTHS
"Allah k naam pay day day baba"
• If u hide, i'll seek 4 u. If u r lost, i'll search 4 u. If u'll leave, i'll wait 4 u. If days take u away 4m me, i'll fight 4 u. But, if u stop sending msgs, i'll kill you.
• This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly.
• Ap ki awaz KOYAL Jaisi,Aankhain HIRAN Jaisi,Chal MOR jaisi,Aadtain BANDAR Jaisi,Acha hota agar Koi 1 Aadat Bhi Insanon Wali Hoti
• Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil: Moon...
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.
• maine lina se pyaar kiya lekin woh choti thi
phir maine meena se pyaar kiya lekin woh moti thi
uske baad maine tina se pyaar kiya lekin woh khoti thi....
• Rose,Lotus,Tulips,Sunflower all flowers are nice and sweet but they have no comparison with U bcoz Gobhi ke phool ki to baat hi alag hoti hai.....
• Maine Kaha Dil-Ruba- Usne kaha Paise Dikha. Maine Kaha-Paise Nahi Usne kaha Kaise Nahi Maine Kaha Mehangayi Hai.. Usne Kaha-Ja Tu mera Bhai Hai....
• A drunk sardar fails from 3rd floor. People gather around & ask: "Sardar ji ki hoya?" He said"pata nahin main v hune aya haan"!!!
• Look at the world as one big chocolate cake.
It would never be complete without few sweets and nuts.
Sweets like ME and nuts like YOU.
• Friends r like mirrors
they are our reflection
you r damn lucky I look good !!!!
• Chaand ko garoor hai ki uske paas noor hai,
to kya hua....
Mujhe bhi garoor hai ki mera Dost Langoor hai
• sharab samaj ka 1 dushman hai,
Aoao milke kasam khaye,
is dushman ko khatam karen gay.
ek botal tum khatam karo,
ek botal hum khatam karen gay...
• Tu Chaand maange main Chaand de du,
tu raat maange main raat de du,
Tu dil maange main dil de du,
Tu Jaan maange......
Abe bas Departmental Store samajh rakha hai kya???
• I want to share everything with u
Your sadness, ur happy moments
Every single second of the day
Let’s start with
Your bank account.
• 1960's Girls: Pehla pehla pyar hai ankhon main bahar hai aja mere sajna tera intezar hai
2005's Girl: Phela pehla pyar hai ankhon main bahar hai aja mere sajna warna dosra tayyar hai..
• Kya aankheiN hain aapki, kya baatein hain aapki..
us khuda ne kuch aisa aapko bnaya hai...
maano..."Shhhsss...KOI Hai" se bhoot nikal aaya hai....
• Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya
KUCH TO HUA HAI KUCH HO GAYA HAI,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya
SAB KUCH ALAG HAI SAB KUCH NAYA HAI
• When i call you..
1. Ringing means i m thinking u.
2. Ringing means i like u.
3. Ringing means i miss u.
4. Ringing means i need u.
5. Ringing means behray phone utha
thy, baten piyary karti thy, per house number deynay se vo darty thy.
• This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will
be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile
will be disabled, unless you are ugly.
• Ek Tusi sharmandey bohat ho ,Ek Tusi itrandey bohat ho,Dil kar da hai tuhano
dinner tay lay jawan per tusi khandey v bohat ho.
• Zindage mein aisa koi lumha na aaya..Har pal na ho too mujhe yaad aya..Dunya men aisi koi exhibition na hoge..Jis men kunjoose ka award aap ne na ho paya!!
• Teri Maa Di
Tere Peo Di
Teri Behan Di
Tere Bra Di
Teri Babi Di
Tere Pure Khandan Di
Te Meri v Tu Jan Hai
• Lamha Lamha Waqt Guzar Jayega,
Chand Lamhon Men Exzm Sar Pe Ajayega,
Abhi Bhi Waqt Hai Do Line Padh Lo,
Warna Paas Kia Munna Bhai Karwae Ga!!!!
• I have started luving 'U'... I know it sounds rediculous but I can't control my feelings 4 'U'. Some time later I'll start luving more ALPHABETS...!
• kia dekh rahay hoo...apna kaam karoo
• Reh Reh Kar Mujh Ko Ek Hi Khayal Ata Hay
Woh Kambukht Na Janay Kon Say Sabun Say Nahata Hay
• Remember me every day, every moment warna......
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,
8,9,10,11,12,13,
14,15,16,17,18,19,
20,21,22,23,24,25,26,
27,28,29,30,31,32
ek ek kar ke saare DANT TORD DIYE JAEIN GAY.....
heheheheh
• life without u is impossible.. u r n my breath n blood.. i can't spend a sec without u.. 4 u left me i'll die.. 0oye hell0oo i m talking abt oxygen ;) hahahaha.......
• REPEAT THESE LINES ATLEAST 2 HOURS EVERYDAY AFTER NAMAZ OUTSIDE THE MOSQUE & U WILL B A MILLIONAIRE WITHIN FEW MONTHS
"Allah k naam pay day day baba"
• If u hide, i'll seek 4 u. If u r lost, i'll search 4 u. If u'll leave, i'll wait 4 u. If days take u away 4m me, i'll fight 4 u. But, if u stop sending msgs, i'll kill you.
• This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly.
• Ap ki awaz KOYAL Jaisi,Aankhain HIRAN Jaisi,Chal MOR jaisi,Aadtain BANDAR Jaisi,Acha hota agar Koi 1 Aadat Bhi Insanon Wali Hoti
• Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil: Moon...
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.
• maine lina se pyaar kiya lekin woh choti thi
phir maine meena se pyaar kiya lekin woh moti thi
uske baad maine tina se pyaar kiya lekin woh khoti thi....
• Rose,Lotus,Tulips,Sunflower all flowers are nice and sweet but they have no comparison with U bcoz Gobhi ke phool ki to baat hi alag hoti hai.....
• Maine Kaha Dil-Ruba- Usne kaha Paise Dikha. Maine Kaha-Paise Nahi Usne kaha Kaise Nahi Maine Kaha Mehangayi Hai.. Usne Kaha-Ja Tu mera Bhai Hai....
• A drunk sardar fails from 3rd floor. People gather around & ask: "Sardar ji ki hoya?" He said"pata nahin main v hune aya haan"!!!
• Look at the world as one big chocolate cake.
It would never be complete without few sweets and nuts.
Sweets like ME and nuts like YOU.
• Friends r like mirrors
they are our reflection
you r damn lucky I look good !!!!
• Chaand ko garoor hai ki uske paas noor hai,
to kya hua....
Mujhe bhi garoor hai ki mera Dost Langoor hai
• sharab samaj ka 1 dushman hai,
Aoao milke kasam khaye,
is dushman ko khatam karen gay.
ek botal tum khatam karo,
ek botal hum khatam karen gay...
• Tu Chaand maange main Chaand de du,
tu raat maange main raat de du,
Tu dil maange main dil de du,
Tu Jaan maange......
Abe bas Departmental Store samajh rakha hai kya???
• I want to share everything with u
Your sadness, ur happy moments
Every single second of the day
Let’s start with
Your bank account.
• 1960's Girls: Pehla pehla pyar hai ankhon main bahar hai aja mere sajna tera intezar hai
2005's Girl: Phela pehla pyar hai ankhon main bahar hai aja mere sajna warna dosra tayyar hai..
• Kya aankheiN hain aapki, kya baatein hain aapki..
us khuda ne kuch aisa aapko bnaya hai...
maano..."Shhhsss...KOI Hai" se bhoot nikal aaya hai....
• Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya
KUCH TO HUA HAI KUCH HO GAYA HAI,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya
SAB KUCH ALAG HAI SAB KUCH NAYA HAI
• When i call you..
1. Ringing means i m thinking u.
2. Ringing means i like u.
3. Ringing means i miss u.
4. Ringing means i need u.
5. Ringing means behray phone utha
Sunday, 6 May 2007
SMS Jokes 1
• shaadi k din kareeb aye to maha ko diting ka shaok hova .mein le ayi Sufi
ko.kyunk sufi per aiteybar jo tha.subha hoi to dekha na Maha thi na sufi.
• May God increase ur happiness like the price of petrol &decrease ur sorrows like
the clothes of bipasha basu.
• tum meray liye aik Mobile ki tarah ho,khwab mein attay hoo SMS ki tarh,Dil mein
bs jatay hoo Ring Tone ki tarah,mohabat tumhary hai Balance ki tarah ,hum ko
bhoool na jana Network ki tarah.
• sharab hai to mai-khane banee
husan hai to dewane banee
ap me bhe koi khaas baat hai
tabhe to pagal khane banee
• Fa=40/
Rexona=35/
Safeguard=30/
Lux=40/
lifeboy=15/
Silk=30/
Imperial=20/
Plz inn main say koi bhi lay lo but aaj naha lo...plz...hahahaha
• Yeh tumhara SULAGTA hua JISM ...KAPKAPATAY HONT....LARKHARATI
AAWAZ...THARTHARATA BADAN ...mujhe pehle se shuq tha ke tumhain MALARIA HAI.....
• Erz kiya hai..Hum to ashiq hain ap ke Shadi bhi ap say krain gay...Per tomray
abba ammi hum say larin gay...Hum phir gusai main aa ker qatal na ker
dalin...Kiya qatal to sari umer jail main guzarin gay haha!!!!
• Erz Kiya hai..Haseeno na niklo ghar say mera dil beqrar hota hai.....per kiya
kerun us waqt Mera Abba v naal hota hai!
• Taj mahal kiya chez hia main to us se bada mahal banaoun ga aree mumtaaz to marke
dafan hoi thi main to tujhe zinda hi dafnaoun ga.
• The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass & flowers 2.If rain makes all
things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?
• Please remind me to remind you about reminding me to send you this reminder that
reminds me of reminding you that I AM THERE FOR YOU. Don't forget.
• At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking
coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text! pass on
• How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing
• CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting
further orders as one of the dogs is reading this.
• Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds!!
• Aaj didar, kal yaar, parso pyar, phir ekrar, aur phir-intzar, phir-takrar, phir-
darar, saari mehnat-bekar, aur akhir mein-Ek aur devdas at beer bar!
• Mohabat 1 bar ho jaye us ko bholapan kehtay hain, 2 bar ho jaye us ko dewaanapan
kehtay hain, 3 bar hoo jaye us ko pagalpan kehtay hain,counting phir bhi na rukhay
usi ko kameenapan kehtay hai.
ko.kyunk sufi per aiteybar jo tha.subha hoi to dekha na Maha thi na sufi.
• May God increase ur happiness like the price of petrol &decrease ur sorrows like
the clothes of bipasha basu.
• tum meray liye aik Mobile ki tarah ho,khwab mein attay hoo SMS ki tarh,Dil mein
bs jatay hoo Ring Tone ki tarah,mohabat tumhary hai Balance ki tarah ,hum ko
bhoool na jana Network ki tarah.
• sharab hai to mai-khane banee
husan hai to dewane banee
ap me bhe koi khaas baat hai
tabhe to pagal khane banee
• Fa=40/
Rexona=35/
Safeguard=30/
Lux=40/
lifeboy=15/
Silk=30/
Imperial=20/
Plz inn main say koi bhi lay lo but aaj naha lo...plz...hahahaha
• Yeh tumhara SULAGTA hua JISM ...KAPKAPATAY HONT....LARKHARATI
AAWAZ...THARTHARATA BADAN ...mujhe pehle se shuq tha ke tumhain MALARIA HAI.....
• Erz kiya hai..Hum to ashiq hain ap ke Shadi bhi ap say krain gay...Per tomray
abba ammi hum say larin gay...Hum phir gusai main aa ker qatal na ker
dalin...Kiya qatal to sari umer jail main guzarin gay haha!!!!
• Erz Kiya hai..Haseeno na niklo ghar say mera dil beqrar hota hai.....per kiya
kerun us waqt Mera Abba v naal hota hai!
• Taj mahal kiya chez hia main to us se bada mahal banaoun ga aree mumtaaz to marke
dafan hoi thi main to tujhe zinda hi dafnaoun ga.
• The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass & flowers 2.If rain makes all
things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?
• Please remind me to remind you about reminding me to send you this reminder that
reminds me of reminding you that I AM THERE FOR YOU. Don't forget.
• At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking
coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text! pass on
• How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing
• CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting
further orders as one of the dogs is reading this.
• Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds!!
• Aaj didar, kal yaar, parso pyar, phir ekrar, aur phir-intzar, phir-takrar, phir-
darar, saari mehnat-bekar, aur akhir mein-Ek aur devdas at beer bar!
• Mohabat 1 bar ho jaye us ko bholapan kehtay hain, 2 bar ho jaye us ko dewaanapan
kehtay hain, 3 bar hoo jaye us ko pagalpan kehtay hain,counting phir bhi na rukhay
usi ko kameenapan kehtay hai.
Friendship SMS
Sochne Ki Tumhe Kia Zaroorat Hai , Pukara Hai Jo Naam Tumhara , Pukarne Wala Koi
Gair Nahin Ek Pyara Sa Anjana Sa Dost Hai Tumhara
• Asman ko neend aye to sulao kaha, dharti ko moot aye to dafnao kaha, sagar
main leher uthe to chupao kaha, ap jese dost ki yaad aye to jao kaha.
Submitted By : Umair Sam, Submitted On : Dec 07, 2005
• Aik din bahroon k phool murjha jayeenge jab bhule se kabhi hum yaad aayeenge
ahsas hoga tumhein humari dosti ka jab duur bahat duur hum tum se chale jayeenge
• Zindagi behaal hai,
Sur hai naa taal hai,
Msgbox bhi kangal hai,
Kya aapki sms factory me hartal hai,
Yaar kuch to bhejo ye meri mobile ki zindagi ka sawaal hai.
• "For it was not into my ear you whispered - but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed - but my soul."
• Why do we close our Eyes
When we Pray
When we Cry
When we Dream
When we Kiss
Because the Most BEAUTIFUL thing in life are not seen.
But felt by the heart !
DEFINITELY U !
• "If you love somebody,
let them go.
If they return, they were always yours.
If they don't, they never were."
• In a year I m: 365 Days Dreaming of U
8760 hours Thinking of U
5,25,600 Minutes Missing U
3,15,36,000 Seconds Treasuring U
• "Friendship often ends in love; but love ends in friendship - NEVER."
Submitted By : Unknown, Submitted On : Oct 23, 2005
• In a year I m: 365 Days Dreaming of U
8760 hours Thinking of U
5,25,600 Minutes Missing U
3,15,36,000 Seconds Treasuring U
DEFINITELY U !
• Earth may stop Rotating
Birds may stop Flying
Candles may stop melting
Fishes may stop swimming
Heart may stop breathing
But I will never stop
THINKING U
• Where ever
When ever
What ever
Always Remember
I m here for U for ever !
DEFINITELY U !
• Heart is like Crystal, Preserve it
Love is like perfume, Spread it
Feelings are like flood, Flow it
FRIENDSHIP is like Umbrella, share it
• I have a pair of Eyes But can t See U every day.
I have a pair of Ears But can t hear your voice every time.
But I have only 1 heart that cares 4 u every day !
• NOBODY wants U
NOBODY Loves U
NOBODY misses U
NOBODY needs U
NOBODY cares about U
NOBODY makes U happy,
Don t Cry My Name is NOBODY Read it Now !
• Sacrifice everything for a Friend
But don't Sacrifice a friend for Anything.
• Don't Love a Friend who Hurts U
Don't Hurt a Friend who Loves U.
• Heart can skip beat for a while.
Memories can be kept in a file
A Desert can replace the Nile
But nothing can stop a Smile
When your NAME comes on my Mobile
• There are 3 Chambers in My Heart
One for my Mum
One for my Dad
One for God
What about U ?
Sorry No place for u in my Heart ! !
Because Friends like you are my HEART BEAT
• I m Happy, U know Why ?
Because I m Lucky, U know Why ?
Because GOD Love me, U know How ?
He sent the best friend to me u know Who ?
DEFINITELY U !
• Smile in Pleasure
Smile in Pain
Smile when trouble pours like Rain
Smile when someone Hurts U
Smile because SOMEONE still Loves to seen u Smiling
• People like U are found only once in a lifetime.
So U better take care of yourself because I don t want to waste another lifetime
to find a such a SWEET Friend.
• All friends are not True.
But true friends are very few,
Which includes U
• Friendship is not collection of hearts but it is selection of hearts.
• Some people cannot understand,
A friend you've never met.
But then I guess they've never had
A Friendship on the Net.
• We tell each other our problems,
we make each other smile.
I worry if you haven't e-mailed,
or sent a message in a while.
• I don't remember where we met,
or how or when or why.
I only knew that when we did
I found in you a "Friend."
• A true friend understands when u say ‘I forgot’, waits 4ever when u say ‘just a min’, stays with u when u say ‘leave me alone’ & opens his heart even b4 u knock
• To hear what is unspoken, to see what is invisible, to feel without without even touching... is the miracle called "friendship"
• Make your life a house your heart can live in. With a door that is open to receive friends. And a garden full of memories … of many good things.
• there r losts of people around u some of them r important 4 u, out of these some people few r more important 4 u and out of these few people 1 is most important 4 u and 4 me that 1 is u my sweet friend.
• Words begin with ....A....B....C....Number begin with....1....2....3....Music begin with....SA....RE....GA....BUT....? FRIENDSHIP begins with....''You&Me''
• "friends"
are
like
balloons
once u let them go
u cant ever get them
back
dats y i ll tie u
tight tu my heart
u r precious to lose
• heart is lyk a crystal,preserve it!
luv is lyk perfume,spread it!
feeling are lyk flood,flow it!
friendship is lyk an umbrella,cum lets share it!
• "one friend is better in life
two are many
three hardly possible"
• "A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover,
HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE"
• when clouds break rain falls. when coconut break water falls. when love break tears falss but when friendship break life falls so never break friendship.
• DOSTI KE CEMENT KE BEGHER YEH ZINDAGI KI DEWAR KAMZOR HAI
• a friend gives hope wen ur life is low,
a friend is place wen u hav no place to go,
a friend is a precious,
a friend is """"""""""u""""""""""
• My heart's like an open book,
it depends on how u read me.
Don"t judge me by my cover..
Look in and discover..
i will be ur True friend
for ever...
• I've made so many mistakes in my life, but something I did right was to have
you as a friend and I definitely wont make another mistake of losing someone
like you.
• True frndz r those Who Care widout hesitation,Remember widout Limitation,4give widout any Explanation & Love even wid little Communication!!!
• I Like U itna U Like me Jitna
I Like U jaB tak U Like me Tab tak
U Like me Jane kaB tak
BUt
I Like U marte Dam tak!!!!!!!
• We cøü£d £êå®ñ å £ø± f®øm c®åyoñ§: §øme ® §hå®p, §ømê ® p®ê±±y, §ømê ® dü££, §ømê håvê wêi®d ñåmê§, åñd a££ ® diffê®êñ± cø£ø®§... bü± ±hêy 壣 håvê ±ø £êå®ñ ±ø £ive iñ ±he §åmê bøx
• A - U r Attractive
B - U r the Best
C - U r Cute
D - U r Dear 2 Me
E - U r Excellent
F - U r Funny
G - U r Good-Looking
H - hehehe
I - I'm
J - JOKING
• My friendship is like an onion, which has many layers in it, it will add taste to ur life, but if u try to cut it, u will have tears in ur eyes.....
• Meaning of Friendship : -
F-------FOREVER
R-------RESPONCIBLE
I--------INTELLIGENT
E-------EAGER TO MAIL
N-------NICE
D-------DIVINE
S--------SIMPLE
H-------HEARTLY
I--------INTERSTED
P-------PEACEFUL
• Friendship is like a glass handle it with care because once broken cannot be mended and even if mended.... a crack is always there !!!
• Some Love Golden-Ship, Some Love Silver-Ship, But I Love One Ship, That Is Your Friend-Ship
• ***** VACANCY*****
POST:
True Friend
ELIGIBILITY:
Loving & Caring
DUTY:
To Love
EXPERIENCE:
Not Required
SALARY:
Never Ending Love
JOINING:
Immediately
" R U INTERESTED? "
• Aik hassi jo hasa de
Aik ansoo jo rula de
Aik aarzoo jo jaga de
Aik chahat jo samjha de
Her aahat jo jaan le
Uss rishtay ka naam hai
***** DOSTI*****
• A friend is like a pillow u can hug wen u r in trouble cry wen u r in pain n embrace wen u r happy wen u need a friend so............
buy a pillow......
• Höld ä trüé frìénd wìth böth yöür händs, doñt lét gö 4 trüé frìend cömés öncé ìn ä lìfétìmé. Thåt's why ì'm höldìng yoü tight! Cänt lét Ü go
• "Friends are the sunshine of life! Thanks for brightening my world with the warmth of your friendship!"
• GOD picked up a flower
n dipped it in dew
he lovingly touched it
which turned into u
then he gifted to me n said
THIS FRIEND IS 4 U....:)
• I Wont Promise to be your Friend Forever,
Coz I Wont Live That Long...
But Let Me Be Your Friend
As Long As I Live...!
Forever.
• People say friends are made in heaven and they come in your life. But I made a friend like you in this world and made my life a heaven.
• Stars has Five ends ...Square has four ends ... Triangle has three ends ... Line has two ends ... Life has one end ... but Circule of our Friendship has no End.
• If I GoT Ur SmIl3,
I dNt Ne3d FlOw3rS,
If I GoT Ur VoIc3,
I dNt Ne3d MuSiC,
If U SpEaK 2 M3 I dNt AnYbDy ElS3,
If U r My FrNd I dNt Ne3d Th3 WoRlD.
• If u want 2b happy 4 A life, Get a date HAPPY 4 A WEEK gET A lover happy 4 a MONTH Get married happy 4 year IF U want happy 4 evr Get a friend LIKE ME...
• I Dont Ask More From The World.But Juzt a Friend.My Life Seems 2 Be Nothing,But Juzt a Dead Rose.Which Needs Sum1 2 Make it alive.I C That Friend in You.Can u Be The 1??
• DuRiNg OuR FrIeNdShIp, ThErE wIlL B TiMeS U wOn't SeE Me BeSiDe U, DuN ThInK I LeFt U BeHiNd, I JuSt ChOsE To WaLk BeHiNd U So I CaN CaTcH U WhEn U Fall..
• I always thought loving some1 was the greatest feeling, but I realised tat loving a friend is even better, we lose ppl we love but we never lose true friends
• I met U as a stranger, I leave U as a friend, as long as the world stands, our friendship nv ends. All friends nv split N even if they do they will meet again.
• The ship that will never sink is my friendship with you
• A memory lasts forever, and never does it die. True friends stay together and never say good bye.
• Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard. Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible!
• FriEndSHiP iS A PRiCeLeSs GiFt tHaT cAn'T Be BoUgHt Or SoLd, BuT To Have An UnDeRsTaNdiNg FriEnd iS FaR MoRe WoRtH tHaN GoLd~!
• FRIENDSHIP isn't how U forGet but how U forGive, Not how U liSten but how U UnderStand, Not what U see but how U feel, and not how U Let Go but how U hold oN!!!
• There is a gift that gold cannot buy, a blessing dats rare & true, dats the gift of a wonderful friend like the friend dat i have in u!
• 1 tree can start a forest; 1 smile can start a friendship; 1 touch can show u care; 1 friend can make life worth living for.
• We can never say how far our friendship would go and how long we'll stay together. All I know is that even if we'll be miles apart, you'll forever remain in my heart.
• Days r empty wen I dont hear somthin frm u. Just a simple hello n my worries r thru. Y I feel dis? I think I hav a clue. I am glad I hav a fren like u.
• Friendship is a wonderful word, it might be the most beautiful one on earth. Friendship is something powerful, a gift of great value!
• If friends were flowers I would not pick you! I'll let you grow in the garden & cultivate you with love and care so I can keep you as a friend 4ever!!
• FRIENDSHIP IS A CHAIN WHICH ROUND TWO HEARTS TOGETHER
• HOW CAN U TELL THE RAIN NOT 2 FALL WHEN CLOUDS EXIST ?? HOW CAN U TELL THE LEAVES NOT 2 FALL WHEN WIND EXIST ?? HOW CAN U TELL ME NOT 2 FALL IN FRIENDSHIP WHEN U EXIST??
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
Gair Nahin Ek Pyara Sa Anjana Sa Dost Hai Tumhara
• Asman ko neend aye to sulao kaha, dharti ko moot aye to dafnao kaha, sagar
main leher uthe to chupao kaha, ap jese dost ki yaad aye to jao kaha.
Submitted By : Umair Sam, Submitted On : Dec 07, 2005
• Aik din bahroon k phool murjha jayeenge jab bhule se kabhi hum yaad aayeenge
ahsas hoga tumhein humari dosti ka jab duur bahat duur hum tum se chale jayeenge
• Zindagi behaal hai,
Sur hai naa taal hai,
Msgbox bhi kangal hai,
Kya aapki sms factory me hartal hai,
Yaar kuch to bhejo ye meri mobile ki zindagi ka sawaal hai.
• "For it was not into my ear you whispered - but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed - but my soul."
• Why do we close our Eyes
When we Pray
When we Cry
When we Dream
When we Kiss
Because the Most BEAUTIFUL thing in life are not seen.
But felt by the heart !
DEFINITELY U !
• "If you love somebody,
let them go.
If they return, they were always yours.
If they don't, they never were."
• In a year I m: 365 Days Dreaming of U
8760 hours Thinking of U
5,25,600 Minutes Missing U
3,15,36,000 Seconds Treasuring U
• "Friendship often ends in love; but love ends in friendship - NEVER."
Submitted By : Unknown, Submitted On : Oct 23, 2005
• In a year I m: 365 Days Dreaming of U
8760 hours Thinking of U
5,25,600 Minutes Missing U
3,15,36,000 Seconds Treasuring U
DEFINITELY U !
• Earth may stop Rotating
Birds may stop Flying
Candles may stop melting
Fishes may stop swimming
Heart may stop breathing
But I will never stop
THINKING U
• Where ever
When ever
What ever
Always Remember
I m here for U for ever !
DEFINITELY U !
• Heart is like Crystal, Preserve it
Love is like perfume, Spread it
Feelings are like flood, Flow it
FRIENDSHIP is like Umbrella, share it
• I have a pair of Eyes But can t See U every day.
I have a pair of Ears But can t hear your voice every time.
But I have only 1 heart that cares 4 u every day !
• NOBODY wants U
NOBODY Loves U
NOBODY misses U
NOBODY needs U
NOBODY cares about U
NOBODY makes U happy,
Don t Cry My Name is NOBODY Read it Now !
• Sacrifice everything for a Friend
But don't Sacrifice a friend for Anything.
• Don't Love a Friend who Hurts U
Don't Hurt a Friend who Loves U.
• Heart can skip beat for a while.
Memories can be kept in a file
A Desert can replace the Nile
But nothing can stop a Smile
When your NAME comes on my Mobile
• There are 3 Chambers in My Heart
One for my Mum
One for my Dad
One for God
What about U ?
Sorry No place for u in my Heart ! !
Because Friends like you are my HEART BEAT
• I m Happy, U know Why ?
Because I m Lucky, U know Why ?
Because GOD Love me, U know How ?
He sent the best friend to me u know Who ?
DEFINITELY U !
• Smile in Pleasure
Smile in Pain
Smile when trouble pours like Rain
Smile when someone Hurts U
Smile because SOMEONE still Loves to seen u Smiling
• People like U are found only once in a lifetime.
So U better take care of yourself because I don t want to waste another lifetime
to find a such a SWEET Friend.
• All friends are not True.
But true friends are very few,
Which includes U
• Friendship is not collection of hearts but it is selection of hearts.
• Some people cannot understand,
A friend you've never met.
But then I guess they've never had
A Friendship on the Net.
• We tell each other our problems,
we make each other smile.
I worry if you haven't e-mailed,
or sent a message in a while.
• I don't remember where we met,
or how or when or why.
I only knew that when we did
I found in you a "Friend."
• A true friend understands when u say ‘I forgot’, waits 4ever when u say ‘just a min’, stays with u when u say ‘leave me alone’ & opens his heart even b4 u knock
• To hear what is unspoken, to see what is invisible, to feel without without even touching... is the miracle called "friendship"
• Make your life a house your heart can live in. With a door that is open to receive friends. And a garden full of memories … of many good things.
• there r losts of people around u some of them r important 4 u, out of these some people few r more important 4 u and out of these few people 1 is most important 4 u and 4 me that 1 is u my sweet friend.
• Words begin with ....A....B....C....Number begin with....1....2....3....Music begin with....SA....RE....GA....BUT....? FRIENDSHIP begins with....''You&Me''
• "friends"
are
like
balloons
once u let them go
u cant ever get them
back
dats y i ll tie u
tight tu my heart
u r precious to lose
• heart is lyk a crystal,preserve it!
luv is lyk perfume,spread it!
feeling are lyk flood,flow it!
friendship is lyk an umbrella,cum lets share it!
• "one friend is better in life
two are many
three hardly possible"
• "A BEST FRIEND is like a four leaf clover,
HARD TO FIND and LUCKY TO HAVE"
• when clouds break rain falls. when coconut break water falls. when love break tears falss but when friendship break life falls so never break friendship.
• DOSTI KE CEMENT KE BEGHER YEH ZINDAGI KI DEWAR KAMZOR HAI
• a friend gives hope wen ur life is low,
a friend is place wen u hav no place to go,
a friend is a precious,
a friend is """"""""""u""""""""""
• My heart's like an open book,
it depends on how u read me.
Don"t judge me by my cover..
Look in and discover..
i will be ur True friend
for ever...
• I've made so many mistakes in my life, but something I did right was to have
you as a friend and I definitely wont make another mistake of losing someone
like you.
• True frndz r those Who Care widout hesitation,Remember widout Limitation,4give widout any Explanation & Love even wid little Communication!!!
• I Like U itna U Like me Jitna
I Like U jaB tak U Like me Tab tak
U Like me Jane kaB tak
BUt
I Like U marte Dam tak!!!!!!!
• We cøü£d £êå®ñ å £ø± f®øm c®åyoñ§: §øme ® §hå®p, §ømê ® p®ê±±y, §ømê ® dü££, §ømê håvê wêi®d ñåmê§, åñd a££ ® diffê®êñ± cø£ø®§... bü± ±hêy 壣 håvê ±ø £êå®ñ ±ø £ive iñ ±he §åmê bøx
• A - U r Attractive
B - U r the Best
C - U r Cute
D - U r Dear 2 Me
E - U r Excellent
F - U r Funny
G - U r Good-Looking
H - hehehe
I - I'm
J - JOKING
• My friendship is like an onion, which has many layers in it, it will add taste to ur life, but if u try to cut it, u will have tears in ur eyes.....
• Meaning of Friendship : -
F-------FOREVER
R-------RESPONCIBLE
I--------INTELLIGENT
E-------EAGER TO MAIL
N-------NICE
D-------DIVINE
S--------SIMPLE
H-------HEARTLY
I--------INTERSTED
P-------PEACEFUL
• Friendship is like a glass handle it with care because once broken cannot be mended and even if mended.... a crack is always there !!!
• Some Love Golden-Ship, Some Love Silver-Ship, But I Love One Ship, That Is Your Friend-Ship
• ***** VACANCY*****
POST:
True Friend
ELIGIBILITY:
Loving & Caring
DUTY:
To Love
EXPERIENCE:
Not Required
SALARY:
Never Ending Love
JOINING:
Immediately
" R U INTERESTED? "
• Aik hassi jo hasa de
Aik ansoo jo rula de
Aik aarzoo jo jaga de
Aik chahat jo samjha de
Her aahat jo jaan le
Uss rishtay ka naam hai
***** DOSTI*****
• A friend is like a pillow u can hug wen u r in trouble cry wen u r in pain n embrace wen u r happy wen u need a friend so............
buy a pillow......
• Höld ä trüé frìénd wìth böth yöür händs, doñt lét gö 4 trüé frìend cömés öncé ìn ä lìfétìmé. Thåt's why ì'm höldìng yoü tight! Cänt lét Ü go
• "Friends are the sunshine of life! Thanks for brightening my world with the warmth of your friendship!"
• GOD picked up a flower
n dipped it in dew
he lovingly touched it
which turned into u
then he gifted to me n said
THIS FRIEND IS 4 U....:)
• I Wont Promise to be your Friend Forever,
Coz I Wont Live That Long...
But Let Me Be Your Friend
As Long As I Live...!
Forever.
• People say friends are made in heaven and they come in your life. But I made a friend like you in this world and made my life a heaven.
• Stars has Five ends ...Square has four ends ... Triangle has three ends ... Line has two ends ... Life has one end ... but Circule of our Friendship has no End.
• If I GoT Ur SmIl3,
I dNt Ne3d FlOw3rS,
If I GoT Ur VoIc3,
I dNt Ne3d MuSiC,
If U SpEaK 2 M3 I dNt AnYbDy ElS3,
If U r My FrNd I dNt Ne3d Th3 WoRlD.
• If u want 2b happy 4 A life, Get a date HAPPY 4 A WEEK gET A lover happy 4 a MONTH Get married happy 4 year IF U want happy 4 evr Get a friend LIKE ME...
• I Dont Ask More From The World.But Juzt a Friend.My Life Seems 2 Be Nothing,But Juzt a Dead Rose.Which Needs Sum1 2 Make it alive.I C That Friend in You.Can u Be The 1??
• DuRiNg OuR FrIeNdShIp, ThErE wIlL B TiMeS U wOn't SeE Me BeSiDe U, DuN ThInK I LeFt U BeHiNd, I JuSt ChOsE To WaLk BeHiNd U So I CaN CaTcH U WhEn U Fall..
• I always thought loving some1 was the greatest feeling, but I realised tat loving a friend is even better, we lose ppl we love but we never lose true friends
• I met U as a stranger, I leave U as a friend, as long as the world stands, our friendship nv ends. All friends nv split N even if they do they will meet again.
• The ship that will never sink is my friendship with you
• A memory lasts forever, and never does it die. True friends stay together and never say good bye.
• Without humor, life sux. Without courage, life is hard. Without love, life is hopeless. Without friends like you, life is impossible!
• FriEndSHiP iS A PRiCeLeSs GiFt tHaT cAn'T Be BoUgHt Or SoLd, BuT To Have An UnDeRsTaNdiNg FriEnd iS FaR MoRe WoRtH tHaN GoLd~!
• FRIENDSHIP isn't how U forGet but how U forGive, Not how U liSten but how U UnderStand, Not what U see but how U feel, and not how U Let Go but how U hold oN!!!
• There is a gift that gold cannot buy, a blessing dats rare & true, dats the gift of a wonderful friend like the friend dat i have in u!
• 1 tree can start a forest; 1 smile can start a friendship; 1 touch can show u care; 1 friend can make life worth living for.
• We can never say how far our friendship would go and how long we'll stay together. All I know is that even if we'll be miles apart, you'll forever remain in my heart.
• Days r empty wen I dont hear somthin frm u. Just a simple hello n my worries r thru. Y I feel dis? I think I hav a clue. I am glad I hav a fren like u.
• Friendship is a wonderful word, it might be the most beautiful one on earth. Friendship is something powerful, a gift of great value!
• If friends were flowers I would not pick you! I'll let you grow in the garden & cultivate you with love and care so I can keep you as a friend 4ever!!
• FRIENDSHIP IS A CHAIN WHICH ROUND TWO HEARTS TOGETHER
• HOW CAN U TELL THE RAIN NOT 2 FALL WHEN CLOUDS EXIST ?? HOW CAN U TELL THE LEAVES NOT 2 FALL WHEN WIND EXIST ?? HOW CAN U TELL ME NOT 2 FALL IN FRIENDSHIP WHEN U EXIST??
src="http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js">
Welcome everybody
Hi
This is my first post and I'll keep sposting interesting material regularly.
thanks
This is my first post and I'll keep sposting interesting material regularly.
thanks
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)